דרך החשכה

טור שמתאר את הדרך שלי במסע לאור בשנה האחרונה, מיועד לכל מי שנמצא בחשכה כרגע, או סתם צריך מוטיבציה להתקדם קדימה
התיעוד היחיד שלי ברגע שבירה והתפרקות 17.10.2021, חברה שתיעדה אמרה לי שיום יבוא ואסתכל על זה ואבין. היום אני מבין איזה מסע עברתי…

תנו לי לומר לכם משהו ישר על ההתחלה!

אלוהים לא הביא אותנו לעולם הזה כדי שנהייה אומללים. תקראו את זה שוב ושוב ושוב עד שזה יכנס לכם עמוק לראש. אלוהים לא הביא אותנו לעולם הזה כדי שנחיה בסבל או צער, אז קחו נשימה עמוקה, תמצאו לכם מקום שקט ונוח ותקראו את הטור הזה.

הטור הזה נכתב אחרי תקופה לא טובה שלי, תקופה של חשכה מוחלטת וחוסר ביטחון נוראי, תקופה שבה לא האמנתי שאצליח לצאת מהמצב הזה לבד או בחתיכה אחת, ומלא בשנאה עצמית. היום אני שמח, מלא בביטחון עצמי ושקט פנימי. נכון שעוד יבואו ימים מאתגרים בעתיד אבל אני כל כך מוכן להם ויודע שאחרי המסע שעברתי לגילוי ה"אני" החדש אני נחוש לצעוד קדימה ואין שום כח בעולם שיעצור אותי.

הטור הזה מדבר על כל סוגי המשברים, כל אחד יכול לקחת אותו למשבר האישי שהוא עובר או למקום שהוא נמצא בו היום.

אני זוכר את התקופה שבה הייתי שרוע בדיכאון. אני זוכר את הזמן שבו הייתי משותק מפחד, משותק מעצב וכעס על כל העולם.

אני זוכר את הזמן ההוא שבו לא ראיתי את האור, לא ראיתי תקווה או סיבה בכלל לקום בבוקר. אתם מכירים את התחושה הזו? כאילו היקום סוגר עליכם ואתם לא מסוגלים לנשום יותר, שכל מה שאתם רוצים זה קצת אוויר, קצת אוויר ותקווה או סימן שהמצב הזה שבו אתם שרויים לא ימשך לנצח. שמישהו רק יבוא ויתלוש אתכם מהמציאות המפחידה והמטורפת הזו שאתם לא רואים איך יוצאים ממנה. חוסר האונים הזה, שבו אתם רק רוצים לצרוח לאלוהים שדייייי. דיייייייייייי אין לי יותר כוחות להתמודד עם מה שאתה מזמן לי. אין לי יותר אנרגיה או רצון וכל מה שאתם רוצים זה להרים ידיים ולוותר.

אז תרימי את הפאקינג ראש שלך עכשיו! תרים את הראש שלך עכשיו ותנו לי להגיד לכם משהו. הייתי שם, הייתי שם במקומות החשוכים האלה שלא ידעתי איך אני מסיים את היום וכל מה שרציתי זה להישאר במיטה, ושמישהו יראה את המצוקה שלי וכמטה קסם יסלק את התחושות הנוראיות האלה.

מה שהבנתי עם הזמן זה שאלוהים לא יעמיד אותי בסיטואציה שלא אוכל להתמודד איתה, הוא יודע יותר טוב ממני ממה אני עשוי ואיך אני הולך לצאת מהצד השני כמו גדול וחזק. חזק מנטלית, פיזית ורוחנית כמו לוחם ספרטני.

גם אתם תצאו מהמצב הזה שלכם אם רק תפסיקו. תפסיקו לחכות שמישהו יבוא ויציל אתכם. תפסיקו לרדוף אחרי רחמים מהסביבה שלכם ותתחילו לרדוף אחרי החלומות שלכם.

תסתכלו טוב טוב דרך החושך, דרך הכאב או המצוקה ותנסו להבין שהחושך פה מסיבה מסוימת, הוא פה לטלטל אתכם על מנת שתתעוררו ותתחילו לעשות עבורכם. ביום שהבנתי שרחמים עצמיים, התמסכנות והתבכיינות לא תשרת אותי ולא תשנה את המציאות שלי התחלתי במסע שלי לעבר האור.

לפני שאתחיל לפרט מה עשיתי ואיך התמודדתי עם הלא נודע, תנו לי לומר לכם שזה בסדר לכאוב. זה בסדר לבכות וזה בסדר להיות עצובים. לפעמים נסיבות החיים מורידות אותנו על הברכיים, אירועים כאלה ואחרים מטלטלים אותנו בין אם זה פרידה מבן\בת זוג, מחלה, אובדן איש יקר או התרסקות כלכלית, התמודדות עם השמנה או דחייה חברתית  ויש עוד דוגמאות אבל מה שמשותף לכולם זו הטלטלה שאנו חווים והדרך שבא אנו צריכים להתמודד עם האירוע הזה תלויה רק באנו וההבנה שהחיים מדהימים אחרי הכל. החיים הרבה יותר גדולים מאיתנו ויש לנו זכות לחיות חיים אחרים משחיינו עד כה אם רק נקבל את ההחלטה הפשוטה אך המורכבת כל כך שאנחנו צריכים לקבל.

חברים, הדשא של השכן לא ירוק יותר, הוא פשוט מוקרן לכם בפילטר הנכון אז אל תסתכלו על ההוא או על ההיא ותגידו למה החיים שלהם יפים יותר כי לא בטוח בכלל שהם אכן יפים יותר. הם פשוט מוסתרים היטב ובחדרי חדרים יכול מאד להיות שהם היו מתחלפים איתכם בקלות.

בואו נדבר על אושר. אם אתם לא יכולים להיות מאושרים כל יום זה בסדר וזה הגיוני, האושר שלכם תלוי בנסיבות החיים שלכם כרגע אבל מה שאתם כן יכולים על מנת להקל ולהתחיל במסע לעבר האור הוא להיות במודעות. להיות במודעות לטוב שיש סביבכם ולשאוב אנרגיה משם.

אני לא מאושר כל הזמן, יש תקופות שבהם אני עצוב וקשה לי אבל אז אני מכניס את המודעות של המציאות שלי לתמונה, לני וגפן למשל. אז אולי אני לא נמצא במקום שאני רוצה להיות בו או שלא קיוויתי להיות בו אבל יש לי ילדים מדהימים שאני שואב מהם אנרגיות.

אני מודע לכמה בר מזל אני שיש לי אותם וחוסר האושר שלי מקבל איזון מצד המודעות שלי לטוב שיש מסביבי.

עכשיו קחו את עצמכם ותסתכלו סביב, תראו כמה טוב אתם יכולים לשאוב בין אם זה מהמשפחה שלכם, ילדים, או חברים קרובים. יש משהו בסביבתכם שיכול לתת פייט להרגשה השלילית שכרגע תופסת חלק גדול מחייכם

לכולנו יש מתנה עצומה בחיים האלה והיא זכות הבחירה. הזכות לבחור איך לחיות את חיינו ולא לתת לאף אחד לשלול מאיתנו את הזכות לבחור.

לכולנו יש את הזכות לאהוב את עצמנו, שזה הדבר הראשון שהבנתי!! שאני חייב לאהוב את עצמי שוב.

אני חייב לאהוב את עצמי ולהיות יותר סלחן כלפי עצמי אחרת אין לי סיכוי להתקדם קדימה.

הדבר השני שהבנתי הוא שהתמסכנות, והתבכיינות על מר גורלי לא רק לא תקדם אותי לשום מקום אלא גם

תרחיק ממני אנשים. תחשבו על זה שנייה, כמה בא לכם להיות בחברת מישהו שכל היום בוכה על כמה שרע לו וכמה החיים לא טובים? מעט מאד אם בכלל! הבנתי שתרבות הבכיינות לא יכולה לנהל אותי בשום אופן כי בתכלס? לאף אחד לא אכפת יותר מידי מהצרות שלי. לכול אחד יש את הצרות שלו והסבלנות של האנשים למשמע בכיינות פשוט גורמת להתרחקות ואני יכול להבין את זה, כלומר ברור שלמשפחה שלי והחברים הקרובים היה אכפת והם דאגו לי אבל בחייאת, גם להם יש גבול לכמה אפשר לדאוג ולשמוע כמה שרע לך, וכמה מסכן אתה וכמה החיים חירבנו עלי.

ומפה ההבנה שאם אני רוצה לעשות משהו עם החיים שלי אני חייב להתאהב בעצמי מחדש!

והדרך לאהוב את עצמי  מחדש היא לעשות משהו שיהפוך אותי לאדם טוב יותר, למישהו שמשפיע בעולם הזה.

הריקנות שהרגשתי הייתה זמנית בלבד אבל חיונית מאד מפני ששם כשכבר לא יכולתי יותר החלטתי לצאת למסע שלי לאושר ולאהבה העצמית שלי. הבנתי ששום דבר לא יעצור אותי מלהגיע לאור ושיש לי עוד הרבה לתת בחיים האלה. האור הזה קיים בכולנו, השמש הזו זורחת בכולנו, תנו לה לזרוח מכל תפארתה ותברכו את הזריחה הזו.

כשהעלטה אופפת אותנו אנחנו בקלות יכולים להישאב לשם, לריקנות ללבד. בשלב מסויים אנחנו צריכים לקבל החלטה פשוטה, האם אנחנו רוצים לחיות בעלטה, בחשיכה או להילחם דרך החשיכה ולקבל בברכה את האור!

אז אחרי שאספתי את עצמי, התחלתי לראות דרך החושך, התחלתי לראות דרך האפלה שעטפה אותי.

התחלתי להבין מה זה להיות לבד, כמה זה לא נורא בכלל להיות לבד וללמוד להכיר את עצמי מחדש. בראיה שלי החושך ניסה לקחת הכל ממני אבל הצלחתי לראות את האור ע"י הבנה שיש מסביבי דברים טובים ונתתי לטוב הזה למשוך אותי.

תזכרו מה אמרתי לכם בהתחלה, אלוהים לא מעמיד אותנו במצבים שאנחנו לא יכולים להתמודד איתם! החושך שקיים בחייכם כרגע, חוסר האנרגיה , חוזר התקווה או המוטיבציה הוא מצב שאתם החלטתם לתת לו מקום. הבנתי שהמטרה מאחורי החושך היא לבנות אותי בגירסה הכי חזקה, עוצמתית ובריאה ולא מעניין אותי מה הנסיבות שהביאו אותי למצב הזה אני מתמקד באור ואני לא עוצר עד שאני פאקינג שאשתה לי אספרסו ארוך עם בקבוק סודה  ואצפה בזריחה המחודשת הזו בחיי שוב כי מגיע לי! מגיע לי לחוות אושר, אהבה עצמית וגאווה ולהוכיח לכל מי שלא האמין בי, לכל מי שזלזל בי ממה אני עשוי.

אז למרות החשכה, למרות האפלה וחוסר האנרגיה הרמתי את ראשי וצעדתי קדימה, לא ויתרתי על עצמי ולא חיכיתי לאף אחד שיציל אותי כי ידעתי שהאור נמצא בתוכי והכל תלוי רק בי.

אני יודע שיבואו עוד ימים חשוכים, יהיו דברים שאצטרך להתמודד איתם אבל אני יודע שאני חזק כי בניתי אופי וחישלתי את עצמי בצורה טובה עם ידיעה ברורה שגם לבד אני חזק.

זה לא הזמן לוותר, זה לא הזמן להרים ידיים, לאלוהים יש תוכניות גדולות עבורי היום אני יודע את זה.

ומכל הקושי והמאבק שחוויתי אני יודע שאני לא מוכן לוותר לעצמי יותר. אני מתאמן פעמיים ביום כי אני רוצה לקחת את עצמי לקצה. ההתמודדות עם אימונים קשים כשאני יכול בכיף לשבת במזגן ולצפות בטלויזיה מזכירים לי ממה אני עשוי, וכל לילה לפני השינה אני מודה לאלוהים על כל הקושי והכאבים שאני חווה מפני שזה אומר שאני חי ואני מתקדם קדימה ואני בכיוון הנכון.

חברים אני אחזור על זה אלף פעמים עד שזה יחלחל לכם לראש. לא נשאר לנו הרבה זמן לכן אין לנו סיבה להתלונן.
חייבים להבין שיש משהו הרבה יותר משמעותי עבורנו שמחכה לנו , ואם לא נצא מאזור הנוחות, אם לא נבין את העיקרון מאחורי הזדמנויות שלנו , אנחנו נפספס דבר עצום בחיינו.
כמה מאיתנו לא מפסיקים להתלונן ולקטר אבל לא עושים דבר בנידון?
לפעמים אנחנו אוהבים לשים את עצמנו בקופסה קטנה ולומר שזה בסדר עם איפה שאנחנו נמצאים! אסור לנו להשלים עם להיות רק בסדר! תזכרו בימים שבהם רציתם יותר, שאפתם ליותר , הרעב להתקדם ולשאוף ליותר חייב להיות להישמר כל הזמן.
לעולם לא נצליח לשמר את הרעב עם אנרגיה שלילית, עם גישה שלילית , להיות שלילי לא יעזור לנו לגדול, להיות ספקן לא ייתן לנו את האנרגיה להשיג יותר.
נכון אנחנו לא יכולים להיות מושלמים אבל אנחנו יכולים לכוון להיות טובים יותר.

יש נקודה בחיינו שאנחנו חייבים להבין ולהפנים שאנחנו צריכים לעשות את הקפיצה ולהתבגר. את הקפיצה על ההזדמנויות המדהימות שעומדות לנגד עיננו ואנחנו חייבים לעשות יותר ממה שאנחנו עושים על מנת להשיג יותר ממה שהשגנו עד כה.

ואם לא נצא מאיזור הנוחות שלנו, אז צבר ההזדמנויות שלנו יגמר כי לא ניקח בשתי ידיים את ההזדמנות הראשונה שמוצעת לנו ונשקיע את מה שצריך, לא נתקדם קדימה.

תבינו שיש דברים יותר מדהימים, מאתגרים ומופלאים עבורנו אם רק נפסיק להיות שליליים.

אתם מתמודדים על בעיות משקל? לכו ותקבלו עזרה מקצועית ו"תתאבדו" על המשימה ותעשו הכל עד שתשיגו את התוצאה הרצויה!

בן\בת הזוג עזבו אתכם ואתם לא רואים אופק או תקווה? תבינו למה זה קרה ותראו כמה סימניי אזהרה היו בדרך? האם באמת היה לכם טוב יחד והאם זה באמת אבל באמת אובדן כזה גדול או שהכאב נובע ממקום אחר?

פירוק התא המשפחתי ואובדן הפנטזיה הזו של חגים, טיולים ושולחן שישי יחד כמשפחה? אוקיי נכון זה כואב אבל זה משהו שתוכלו לייצר עם הילדים שלכם לבד או עם בן\בת זוג אחרים בצורה טובה ובריאה יותר עבורכם!

בדידות חברתית? או חוסר זוגיות? מה אתם עושים כדי לתקן את זה? אתם יוצאים לדייטים? יוצאים בכלל למקומות שבהם תוכלו לייצר אינטרקציה עם אחרים? יעזור לכם לשבת בבית מתחת לשמכה עם קופסת גלידה ולצפות בריאליטי? או אולי תקימו את עצמכם, תרשמו לחוג ספורט או חדר כושר או כל אחת ממיליון קבוצות הריצה שיש בפייסבוק ואולי ככה תכירו חברים חדשים או מי ודע את הזוגיות הבאה שלכם…

בקיצור תגדילו ראש ותפסיקו לקוות שהגאולה תנחת עליכם משמיים כי היא לא!

תזכרו שהייתי שם, זה בדיוק מה שעשיתי, התמסכנתי ובכיתי וקיוויתי שהגאולה תבוא אלי עד שהבנתי שהיא כבר נמצאת בתוכי וכל שאני צריך זה להעיף את השלילי ולהתחיל לחיות חיובי. רק חיובי, לא נותן למחשבות שליליות לחדור אלי.

את הטור הזה אני מקדיש לחבר קרוב שלי, חבר שהיה שם ברגעיי הקשים וראה אותי מתפרק לרסיסים ותמך בי ללא סייג. ג' אתה עובר את מה שאני עברתי ודע לך שאני פה בשבילך. אני פה בשבילך כמו שהיית בשבילי ואני יודע שאתה כואב ובחשכה מוחלטת, אבל כמו שראית אותי יוצא מהמקום הנמוך ומתפתח ומגלה את עצמי מחדש ככה גם אתה תתפתח, אתה לא רואה את זה עכשיו אבל אני פה ואזכיר לך יום יום עד כמה מדהים, חזק ומוכשר שאתה ושהכל יהיה בסדר בסוף. אתה לא לבד ואני אוהב אותך המון!!!!

שלכם מחושך לאור

❤

עומרי

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