פרידה

את הטור הראשון לאתר שלי אני אקדיש לנושא הכי רגיש ובוער על הפרק. את הטור הזה אני כותב לכם בערב שישי ה 1.10.2021, ערב שישי הראשון שאני לבד לא הילדים וללא ירדן. זה קשה, לא אשקר לכם ואגיד שאני בטוב או שכיף לי.

לא אחרטט אתכם בשטויות שחבריי הנשואים אומרים לי כל הזמן ש"מה אתה עצוב, אתה הולך לקרוע את העולם עכשיו, חנות ממתקים והכל מותר"
אז לא, אני לא כזה ולא רוצה את זה. ברור שאחרי זוגיות של 22 שנים אתה רוצה ללכת לאיבוד, להשתולל ולמצות את הרווקות. 22 שנים של זוגיות ואני בן 38 מה שאומר שיותר ממחצית מחיי אני מכיר די דבר אחד ועכשיו זה הזמן ללמוד להכיר את עצמי מחדש.
להבין איך מתנהלים בעולם הזה שנקרא "גרושים גרושות" תואר שלא ייחלתי לעצמי ושאני מתעב מעומק ליבי!! גרוש! גירשו אותי ואני לא רצוי פה יותר, למה זה צריך להיות ככה בכלל? אני או פרוד או רווק לא מוכן השתמש בתואר גרוש כי הוא נורא בעיניי!
אבל זה המצב והנה אני צריך להתמודד עם המציאות המורכבת, אני שצעקתי מעל כל במה שאני אלוף במשברים ומכניס את עצמי למשברים בכוונה כדי לחשל את עצמי ( תקראו את הטור שכתבתי על משברים) נמצא במשבר הגדול של חיי ומתמודד בגבורה!
לא אשקר, קשה לי, רע לי ואני לא אוהב את זה, אבל אני יודע שזה צריך לקרות כי אם לא עכשיו זה היה קורה עוד כמה שנים שהילדים היו גדולים והכל היה מורכב הרבה יותר.
אין זמן טוב להתגרש, וכולנו צריכים להרגיש נאהבים, מושכים ובאווירה טובה. כי מהות של זוגיות זה שיהיה לך טוב, אתה יכול להרגיש רע בכל מקום שתהיה אבל בבית שלכם, בממלכה שלכם, במקום שאתם חייבים לקבל נחת וחום ואהבה ושיעטפו אתכם אם כל זה לא מתקיים אז או שתטפלו בזה או שתסיימו את זה.
אני יכול להגיד לכם שאהבה לא מספיקה להחזיק זוגיות, זוגיות היא כמו פיתוח גוף. אם אתם לא תעבדו בזה, תתחזקו את זה ותתנו לזה עדיפות עליונה אתם לא תגיעו לנחלה. ואתם תלכו מתוסכלים וכועסים וממורמרים עד שבסוף זה יתפוצץ וכשזה יתפוצץ זה כנראה יגמר ברע.
לפני שאמשיך עם הטור אני מבקש מכם משהו.

תעזבו הכל עכשיו, לא משנה מה אתם עושים או איפה אתם נמצאים תעצרו ותסמסו לבן\בת הזוג שלכם שאתם אוהבים אותם. אם אתם גם במקום לא טוב בזוגיות שלכם ושוקלים לפרק אני מבקש סליחה אני מתחנן בפניכם תעצרו שנייה. תהיו כנים עם עצמכם ותשאלו האם ניסיתם הכל אבל הכל לתקן ולהציל את הזוגיות שלכם.
אישה חכמה שאני מעריך ואוהב מאד אמרה לי לא מפרקים נישואים כי לא טוב, מפרקים נישואים כי רע!
לא טוב זו לא סיבה מספקת לפרק בית במיוחד כשיש ילדים קטנים בעסק. לא טוב ניתן לתקן!
רע זה כבר סיפור אחר אבל כמובן שכל אחד בסוף יעשה מה שטוב לו…
למזלי ירדן ואני כל כך אוהבים אחד את השני שנפרדנו בטוב ובאווירה די טובה, הבנו מהר שאי אפשר למחוק 22 שנות זוגיות והגענו למצב שכרגע בעת הנוכחית הכי טוב לנו להיות בנפרד ולנסות לפתח חיים חדשים בנפרד אך לנצח נהיה יחד.
אמרתי לירדן שהזוגיות שלנו לא נגמרה בפרידה הזו אלא להיפך, הזוגיות שלנו התחילה מחדש רק בקונסטלציה שונה, לנצח נהיה ההורים של לני וגפן ונצטרך לחיות בסינרגיה טובה למען ילדינו.

אז ירדנה, תודה!
תודה על 22 שנים, תודה על כל המסעות שעברנו יחד טובים ופחות טובים, תודה על שני ילדים שהם כל עולמי ותודה על זה שהיית שם עבורי בזמנים המאתגרים של חיי.
לנצח תהיי אהבת נעוריי ואם ילדיי ואני אאחל לך את כל הטוב שבעולם, את כל הטוב שאני לא הצלחתי לתת לך.
שלך,
עומריקו.

זה ערב שישי ראשון שלי בלי הילדים וזה כואב, אני כותב לכם את המילים האלה עם דמעות שמטשטשות לי את הראיה ואני מנסה באמת שאני מנסה להיות חזק כי אין לי ברירה ואני חייב לעשות אדפטציה למצב החדש והמוזר הזה.
אני לא מתכוון למצוא מילוט לכאב, אני אלוף ההתמודדויות במשברים יודע טוב מאד שאני חייב להתמודד עם הכאב, עם האבל, עם הקושי ועם השדים בראש שלי, אני חייב להגיע לקרקעית הכאב והעצב על מנת להיבנות מחדש בתור גרסה משופרת, חזקה ובריאה עבורי ועבור ילדיי.
הכי קל לי למלא את החלל העצום שנוצר בסטוצים או יציאות עם חברים לשוכרה עד עילפון, אבל אני יודע שזה לא מה שיהפוך אותי למאושר, הבריחות האלה אולי טובות פעם ב… אבל בטח לא יכולות להוות תוכנית מסודרת של יציאה ממשבר והתחלה חדשה.
אני מתכוון לשקוע בעצב, בבכי, בלהיות לבד, להתאבל על חורבן הבית ולהפרק לרסיסים. ואז אחרי שארגיש שמיציתי אתחיל לבנות את עצמי מחדש, אתחיל להתחזק שוב מנטלית, רוחנית ונפשית.
יש בי כל כך הרבה אהבה לתת, ואני יודע שביום מן הימים אמצא את הפרטנרית שתשלים אותי כמו שמגיע לי.
ואני מאחל גם לירדן את אותו הדבר כי מגיע לה את אותם הדברים.

התלבטתי רבות מה יהיה הטור הראשון באתר שלי, אני איש של כושר ובריאות ותזונה והיה הגיוני שהטור יהיה בנושא זה אבל אני חייב להיות כנה עם עצמי ועם העוקבים שלי שלא מפסיקים לדאוג ולשאול לשלומי והרגשתי שאת הטור הראשון אני אקדיש לכם עוקבים יקרים.

אז אסיים את הטור במילות תודה לכם,
תודה על היותכם שם אנשים זרים שאני לא מכיר אבל עוטפים אותי באהבה ותמיכה שאני כל כך זקוק לה כעת.
תודה על שאתם בכלל חושבים עלי למרות שיש לכם את הדאגות שלכם, תודה על המילים החמות שאתם כותבים לי אני באמת לא לוקח את זה כמובן מאליו.
פשוט תודה 🙂

שלכם, עומרי.

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